Understanding how paradigms affect everyone and recognizing your own paradigms gives you the power to find space between a stimulus and your response; in other words, when you know what’s guiding your behavior, you can make a conscious effort to refrain from acting out of those paradigms and actually choose how you respond to a person or situation.
Although this book largely focuses on identifying paradigms that you want to change, as you examine your own paradigms you’ll inevitably recognize scripts that you already have that positively impact your life. Your self-awareness and self-assessment will help you to see and appreciate the positive habits you already have, which you’ve probably taken for granted as because you were unaware of them.
Parents are in a unique position of strongly influencing their children’s scripts. From this position, a parent who’s self-aware of her own paradigms can be a “transition person,” choosing what she passes on to her children and which scripts she rewrites. Without self-awareness, many people pass on the negative paradigms and behaviors they got from their parents; for example, if you were abused as a child, you’re statistically more likely to abuse your own children.
Children benefit greatly from being part of a closely connected intergenerational family, where they have different kinds of interdependent relationships to draw strength and positive examples from. Feeling connected with a larger “tribe” gives children the security and reassurance that there’s a whole network of people who know and love them.
Frequently Asked Questions
(Shortform note: In the afterword, Covey shares questions he’s often asked and his answers. We’ll summarize those that pertain specifically to the application of the 7 Habits and how he developed them.)
- Although the book was published in 1989, Covey wouldn’t change anything about the 7 Habits. However, he subsequently released other books that dive deeper into specific habits and contextual applications of the 7 Habits, including First Things First, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens. He also adds that in today’s highly connected world, being effective individuals and organizations is not just an option but a necessity.
- Since the book was published, Covey’s understanding of the 7 Habits has grown in several ways. For one, he clarifies that in a business context, an organization doesn’t technically have habits, but that its cultural norms, social codes, systems, processes, and procedures essentially constitute or dictate its habits. Additionally, he crystallizes the habits by saying Habits 1-3 deal with integrity and can be summed up by saying, “make and keep a promise,” and Habits 4-6 address loyalty and can be summed up by saying, “involve others in the problem and work out the solution together.”
- Personally, Covey says he struggles with all the habits. He sees them more as principles to practice and consistently improve upon, rather than skills you can ever perfect.
- In order to teach the 7 Habits to children, Covey suggests being an example, nurturing a strong relationship with a high Emotional Bank Account, and teaching the basic ideas of each habit in age-appropriate terms.
- If you feel someone in your life could really benefit from implementing the 7 Habits but don’t know how to present it, Covey suggests starting with the foundation of a strong relationship; just as you need a high Emotional Bank Account with someone before she is receptive to listening to your side and creating synergy, you need one also if you’re going to suggest how she should improve herself. With this foundation, show by example how the habits have benefitted you and improved your life, and then you can gently share ideas from the book or invite them to look into it for themselves.
- Covey’s background and authority for writing 7 Habits comes from a deep interest in how people behave in organizations. He began creating leadership and management development programs around principles that eventually crystallized into the 7 Habits.