Chapter 5: Making Cravings More Attractive

Cravings are the brain’s way of signifying that something is missing inside. Your habits are the time-tested strategies used to create shifts in your physical or emotional state to fill the void. There are many ways to address satisfying either of these states, but you will use the one that satisfies them in the most pleasurable way. To ensure you are motivated to act in a positive way, you must make the right behavior a more attractive option for satisfying your craving. But first, you must understand where cravings come from and why they are so powerful.

Historical Relevance

Many of your current cravings are grounded in your ancestry. Humans have evolved significantly since the time of hunters and gatherers. Science and technology have increased your ability to live more efficiently and find a wealth of resources to address your needs. However, what hasn't changed are the underlying motivations that influence behaviors. Every behavior stems from some type of underlying motive. Your habits are contemporary solutions to address ancient motivations, which include the following:

  • The need to survive, reserve or build strength, find companionship, be accepted by the tribe, belong, or achieve prestige and admiration.

The Motivation for Overeating

Our ancestors lived in a time where food was not plentiful, and calorie- and nutrient-rich food sources were scarce. The practical strategy was to find whatever food they could forage and eat as much as possible to survive.

In modern times, food is abundant in many regions of the world. Foods that are high in calories are no longer scarce. We no longer have to gorge ourselves to survive, and we have the added benefit of knowing that high-calorie foods are not good for us.

Still, because of this ingrained motivation, we crave unhealthy foods and consume them in mass quantities.

Businesses monopolize on these ancient motivations to sell more products or make more money. For example, the food industry capitalizes on your motivation to survive by making food more attractive and habit forming.

  • Natural, unprocessed food varies little from bite to bite. When the novelty of the sensation these foods provide wears off, the brain becomes bored and determines the body is full.
  • Processed food can be manipulated to ensure that boredom is never reached. Chemicals enhance flavors and textures, creating dynamic combinations that are pleasing to the mouth and make each bite pleasurable, which excites the brain and keeps you eating.

Other examples include how social media platforms, like Facebook and Twitter, capitalize on your inherent need for community and recognition, and dating apps capitalize on your need for companionship.

You are always looking for ways to satiate these inherent motivations, and the more attractive and stimulating the experience is, the more you will crave it.

Scientific Relevance

All habits create a dopamine spike in the brain. Dopamine is a brain chemical produced when you anticipate pleasure and creates the sensation of desire. Dopamine is also released when you experience pleasure. These two experiences can be considered as wanting versus liking.

The anticipation of pleasure—the process of wanting—is triggered when the brain notices a cue and perceives a reward. At this moment, dopamine spikes and motivates you to act. A similar thing happens when you receive a reward. When something happens that is pleasurable—the act of liking—dopamine spikes to indicate your satisfaction. The only difference is that the system involved in both wanting and liking is wired to be ten times stronger for wanting.

  • Consider how much more exciting the days leading up to Christmas were than actual Christmas morning as a child.
  • Consider the butterflies felt before a date compared with how it feels to be on the date.

In relation to the stages of habit formation, your body releases dopamine in the following way:

  • Reward—The first time you receive a reward, dopamine spikes, indicating your pleasure.
  • Cue and Craving—When the same cue is noticed again, dopamine spikes and initiates a craving in anticipation of the reward.
  • Response—The anticipation urges you to act, and dopamine remains at a neutral level.
  • Reward—When you receive the reward the second time, dopamine does not spike, but stays neutral. This is because the reward was expected and the pleasure experienced less satisfying than anticipated.
    • If the reward is not received, dopamine drops from the disappointment.
    • If the reward comes later than expected, dopamine drops from the disappointment, then spikes at the relief of finally receiving the reward again.

(Shortform example: The habit formation stages can be seen clearly in drug addiction. The phrase “chasing the dragon” characterizes the difference between wanting and liking. The first time the drug is used and elicits a pleasing sensation, a connection is formed between the drug and pleasure. Each time you are cued to want the same type of pleasure, you will crave the drug. Dopamine spikes in anticipation of the same high as before, but because anticipation now overrides actual pleasure, the result will be less than before. Continuing to chase this high is the essence of habit formation.)

Social Relevance

Your underlying motivation to belong affects your behaviors. Group mentality is strong in society. You want to feel connected to others and a part of something larger than yourself. Therefore, what you see others do around you shapes what you do. Your earliest habits are formed by imitating how parents, friends, and teachers behave. When certain behaviors help you fit in and belong, they are more attractive.

There are three groups of people that greatly influence your choices in behavior.

The Close

You often pick up habits from those you are close to without realizing it. Like the physical environment, your social environments are riddled with various cues. The manner in which your loved ones respond to a cue acts as a sort of subconscious peer pressure. You imitate their behavior so you will be seen as one of them. This type of imitation is only negative when you’re surrounded by bad influences.

  • If your best friends smoke cigarettes, you will be more likely to start smoking.
  • If your family members overeat, you become more susceptible to overeating.

Surrounding yourself with positive influences helps surround you with good behaviors. When you see others behaving in a way that is in line with the habits you want to create, forming those habits becomes easier. To use your social environment to its full potential, seek out specific social groups where your desired behaviors are the norm and with which you already share something in common.

  • If you want to read more, join a book club. Even better, join a book club made up of similar people, such as those with similar careers or who are at similar stages in life.
  • If you have a young child and want to exercise more, join a mommy/daddy and me yoga club.

The shared identity promotes your personal identity, and the sense of belonging fuels your motivation to maintain good habits and provides allies for the journey.

The Many

Group mentality is a powerful influencer because it is easier to go along with bad or incorrect behaviors than be good or right on your own. When you don’t know how to respond in certain situations, you scan the people around you to see what everyone else is doing.

  • When you want to buy a new appliance or piece of technology, you check Amazon reviews.
  • When you want to see a movie, you look at Rotten Tomatoes to see what the critics thought.
  • When you want to go to a restaurant, you check Yelp to see which establishments others liked.
  • You want to imitate the best behaviors, so you seek out the most popular options chosen by the public.

Your natural instinct is to get along with others, but when the actions of the group cause you to disregard your own feelings or behaviors that fit your desired identity, this influence becomes negative. Following a different path than the group is unattractive, but with effort, you can learn to stick to your guns and seek out groups who support your identity.

The Powerful

Your underlying motivation to gain status and admiration for who you are causes you to imitate the behaviors of successful people. You imitate those you envy and become motivated to act in a way that generates the praise and respect you perceive them to have. You believe doing what powerful people do will garner the same results in your life. You also avoid behaviors that may reduce your status in society.

The reward you seek is acknowledgement for who you are and what you do, and you will continue to bounce between behaviors until you find the right one that works. Find the right role models with positive attributes and actions to help motivate you to form good habits.

How to Make the Right Behaviors Attractive

There are many different ways to address the underlying motivations of behavior, and your current methods may not be the best ones. The habits you have now are merely the behaviors the brain latched onto because of dopamine stimulation when rewards were experienced. To make behaviors more attractive and create new cravings, you can manipulate your thoughts and actions.

Supernormal Stimuli and Temptation Bundling

The more attractive and stimulating an experience, the more you will crave it. Unfortunately, many healthy new habits (like exercising or eating more vegetables) don’t trigger strong cravings. The solution to this is to bundle the new habit with something you already want. This is called temptation bundling.

Temptation bundling creates a supernormal stimuli—a heightened version of reality that elicits stronger-than-normal responses.

  • For example, an engineer loved binge-watching Netflix but also knew he should get more exercise. He used his knowledge to manipulate the functions of a stationary bike and the Netflix app. In order to watch Netflix, he had to ride the bike and keep a certain pace. If the pace decreased, the streaming stopped.
  • By creating a connection between his craving to watch Netflix with his desire to exercise more, he made the act of exercising more attractive.

Temptation bundling can also be used with habit stacking. The formula is as follows: “After X [current habit], I will do Y [new habit]. After I do Y, I get to do Z [craved habit].”

  • You’ve already stacked your need to exercise more on top of your current habit of eating lunch. But you also want to play video games. Your formula changes from: “After I finish lunch, I will walk around the block for 20 minutes” to “After I finish lunch, I will walk around the block for 20 minutes. After I walk around the block for 20 minutes, I get to play video games for 30 minutes.”
  • If playing video games becomes the reward for walking, you’ve created a supernormal stimulus by making exercise more rewarding. You’ll begin to crave the walk so you can claim your reward afterward.

If the habit you stacked previously is something you’re passionate about, you can bundle another needed habit in between the two previous habits.

  • You were successful in starting the habit of drawing more because you stacked it on top of washing dishes, but you also have bills to pay. Your formula changes from, “After I wash the dishes, I will draw for an hour” to “After I wash the dishes, I will pay the bills. After I pay the bills, I get to draw for an hour.”

Through temptation bundling, you create a heightened version of your desired habit to elicit a stronger desire. Over time, you will look forward to performing the needed habit because it means you get to do the desired activity next.

Signal Switching

When you experience positive feelings about something or someone, that thing or person becomes more attractive. Since cravings are nothing more than a signal to change part of your physical or emotional state, you can switch the signal by connecting behaviors to positive feelings. If behaviors create positive feelings, they become more attractive.

1. A shift in paradigm is one way to generate more positive feelings. Think about your “to-do” list. The items on it likely feel like burdens, or things you have to do. Change the title of the list to get-to-do” list, and the burden of performing these acts now feels like an opportunity and a privilege.

  • “I have to pick up my child from school” becomes “I get to pick up my child from school.” This small shift helps you recognize your fortune in having the freedom to be there for your child in this way.
  • “I have to shop for groceries” becomes “I get to shop for groceries.” This different way of thinking about it highlights your fortunate position in being able to afford groceries and having the time to shop.

2. Redefining habits to highlight their advantages, rather than disadvantages, also creates more positive feelings.

  • Exercise is typically thought of as strenuous and exhausting, but you could also think of it as strengthening and enhancing. “I need to exercise” becomes “Time to build muscle and endurance.”
  • Saving money is often experienced as a sacrifice, but you could experience it as an act of liberation. Living frugally now helps you live more comfortably in the future.
  • Meditation can leave you feeling the opposite of calm if you struggle to keep your mind clear. Instead of feeling frustrated with the intruding thoughts, see them as an opportunity to continue practicing and improving your ability to focus.
  • Nerves can cause anxiety and an increased heart rate, which can feel stifling and hinder your behavior. Rather than experiencing nerves negatively, experience them as excitement and boosting your adrenaline.

3. Motivational rituals can also become cues to trigger positive feelings.

  • If you listen to the same song every time you are intimate with your partner, after a while, that song will elicit feelings of intimacy and trigger you to act.
  • Using the same warm-up regimen before athletic competitions will put you in the right frame of mind to compete.
  • If scratching your dog behind the ears calms you down, attach other behaviors to the act to help you create that sensation at other times. For instance, take two deep breaths and smile before you pet your dog. In the future, when you want to feel calm, you can take two deep breaths and smile to trigger the brain to respond with calming feelings.

Creating more positive feelings for your habits will not happen overnight. Determine which strategy will work best and stick to it. Small changes require time to fully engage with the mind and become automatic cravings for the appropriate actions.